It went like this: I looked through the dream window and
remembered remembering a salamander,
the one from childhood I always moved from road to ditch,
the one and only, though I did so daily
for the length of someone’s mating season. I remembered
the week the fireflies dissolved into crickets.
We’d just lived through the big thing, which had destroyed
our brains. You couldn’t lick the screens,
couldn’t see the shy way they almost wanted to speak. My skull
felt empty which meant I lacked the words
to describe such emptiness. I remembered the day
I broke a perfect spider web. Silk to hand
as the garbage bag bombed its perfect arc through everything.
I thought of getting a life coach, a career coach, a person
to help me deal with this recent bout of vocal fry,
a lavender oil specialist. Then one day I simply did it,
that thing I’d always looked for through the dream window,
spurred on by the neighbour’s cat who left small offerings,
each dead mouse a small kangaroo with its hands.
In the space between, I heard my skull
holding what it holds, wanting to speak. A shy person
from behind the screen. I knew then the real me
was made from bone and impulse for worm and clay.
I left everything and ran away to earth,
to bury the dead and help them stay there. I fought off
curious groundhogs, jewel thieves. I whistled to birds,
counted stars. Sometimes the dead climbed out,
to check the time or see that they’d remembered
to turn off the stove, sign the divorce papers. I took them
by their brittle elbows and said come, now. I settled into
my calling, shushing the dead as you would a dog or toddler,
saying ah-ah-ah: stay right where you are, you’re fine now, stay.
Image: Khalili Collections; Creative CommonsAttribution-Share Alike 4.0 International