Dear Geist,

I am writing essays on my not-so-innocent children and their behaviours and consequences that, now that they are older, are quite amusing (though I can’t believe I survived them!). My question is this: if I were to publish the essays or combine them in a book-length work of creative non-fiction, how would I protect their reputations? I do want someone to hire them eventually, and marry them. Among others, the essay titled “The Prepositions of Pot” may compromise some future opportunities. Should I write under another name and change their names as well? Is this hard to keep “undercover”?

Dear Heather,

You raise one of the big questions: how do we write candidly and honestly, and also responsibly, about people we care about?

Leaving aside legal questions (mainly libel) and focusing on the ethical, your choices are:

, art is not pleasing your mother.”

2. To monkey with the facts. You can write under a pseudonym and make up names for your subjects, and/or change or omit details that you think may identify and compromise them. The chance you take, as you point out, is that all of you may be outed (and possibly taken to task for massaging the truth) – especially if you promote the book.

3. To change anything you want and publish the stories as fiction. This will make things clear, though there will be questions about who or what “inspired” the work.

4. To publish/post no writings about your children.

A note: In our experience, when someone makes trouble about a piece of writing, it is almost always something other than what the writer prepared for.

fact checker, but no vetting.