FADE IN: AMERICA: THE FUTURE
America. 237. The country is a giant theme park. Cigarettes, alcohol, firearms and professional sports are outlawed. Mandatory conscription is imposed on all men and women at the age of twenty-one—two years disguised as giant mice, goofy dogs, teacups or superheroes. Park doctors report endless cases of heat prostration, vomiting, hypertension, feelings of hopelessness and general despair.
ESCAPE PLOT / LOVERS’ SPAT
DONALD NIXON has served 337 days of his term at the Disney Center for the Performing Arts as a generic superhero. He wants to escape to Canada with his girlfriend, JUDY STONE, who is dead set against leaving, because anyone caught trying to escape serves additional time at the National Zoo dressed as an extinct animal in a large cage. Donald becomes despondent. Maybe she’s right (hero vs. himself).
THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS
Canada. All sins present and accounted for. Alcohol and tobacco companies run the country. Even pipe smokers are welcome in Canadian restaurants. The people drive powerful cars and drink fancy cocktails. The safety net is in tatterrs, but most people are too drunk to notice.
OLD SCHOLAR / WHISKY
JESSUP BARNES, a kindly old man and former university professor of Canadian Studies works at the Disney Center. He and Donald develop a friendship and one night they get drunk and bond over a bottle of illegal Canadian rye whisky. They talk about Canada long into the night, and the hope for a better life is planted by the old man and Canadian Club.
SHOCKING CONFESSION / SEX SCENE
Donald confides in Judy and tells her about his escape plan. She panics. She turns to an old flame recently transferred to the theme park. Jimbo is an “A” list superhero—a tall, handsome, hard-bodied cult figure on the theme park circuit. Seeing Jimbo in skin-tight leotards rekindles old passions!
GUILT / MORE SEX
Judy is guilt-ridden over her fling with Jimbo. Donald wonders why she is always so tired. Judy’s affair with Jimbo ends one night when she finds him in bed with cat woman. She realizes Jimbo can never love just one woman, and reluctantly falls in love with Donald’s escape plan. Judy is introduced to Canadian rye whisky.
ESCAPE TO CANADA
Under cover of night, the two make their escape dressed as giant mice. PIERRE JUNOT, a French Canadian guard, questions them about hockey, Pierre Berton and the parlimentary system.
NEW LIFE / STILL MORE SEX
As refugees Donald and Judy are placed in the Job Start program. Judy becomes a video store clerk and Donald apprentices in the quick cobbler program. On weekends they go hunting or watch Hockey Night in Canada. Judy’s sexual appetite for Donald returns after she buys him some leotards. A child is conceived.
CHILDBIRTH / INCARCERATION
Donald and Judy are not covered under Canadian Medicare (and it’s useless anyway), so Donald smuggles Judy back into the States to have the baby. However, Judy appears on an episode of
and is arrested at the hospital. Donald returns to Canada to form a strike force to rescue her—Pierre and his brother-in-law, Jean-Luc, who owns a fast car. They travel by night, singing French Canadian folk songs.
INSIPID HAPPY ENDING
Donald and his team save Judy. Donald declares his candidacy for a new political party dedicated to abolishing theme parks. He becomes the first Canadian president. Pierre becomes his vp and Judy head policy wonk. With Donald’s help, the Canadian government swallows the U.S. (superior armed forces and stronger beer). North America is simply renamed CANADA.
SEQUEL: CO-DEPENDENCE DAY; FOURTH OF JULY
The CBC takeover of Hollywood and Disney sparks a revolution. Former American actors no longer get roles in Canadian blockbusters. Civil war breaks out. Donald, Judy and their daughter flee to England where they live above a cheese shop in a quaint English village. Leslie Nielsen is a possible lead.