January 14, 2012

Dear Canada,

I thought we had a good thing going: health care, winter sports, Alex Trebek. And then you chose him.

He prorogued parliament twice, pulled out of the Kyoto accord, and is allowing the privitization of part of a national park.

And you love him anyway. Even if you were to think of leaving him, say three years from now, all he’d have to do is whisper things like “economic stability,” “strong military” and “tough on crime,” and you’d melt right into his ballot box.

I don’t know if I can forgive you and since we’ve started growing apart, I find myself more and more attracted to Europe. True, he’s mostly broke and smells like old cheeses, but right now he’s still more attractive than you. Even America is looking good these days.

If you still want us to be together, then he’s got to go.

I await your response,

Chelsea Novak